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Q & A ARCHIVE

What do I do when my autistic son is being sexually inappropriate at school?

Q My son is a 9 years old and has autism. He is a non-speaking child. Lately he has been rubbing his penis against his teacher's leg and the school has threatened to send him home if the behavior doesn't stop. Can the school do this? Aren't the schools supposed to have qualified special education teachers that understand how to handle these situations as they arise? What can I do so my son isn't kicked out of school?

A It's perfectly normal for your son to be curious about his body and masturbate or rub his genitals against objects such as a pillow or blanket. But, it's important that he understands that these behaviors are something that are done in private places, like his bedroom, and that it's not appropriate to rub his genitals against another person.

Your first step is to work together with his teacher to make sure that your son receives consistent messages—both at home and at school—that he can understand. Find out what your son's teacher has told him about his behavior. Did she talk to your son about it in a way that he was able to understand? Did she unintentionally embarrass or scold him? It may be that you can work together to determine a more effective way of modifying his behavior. Or, it may be that the teacher handled the situation in the best way possible, but that your son's behavior is a symptom of a deeper issue. If that is the case or if the behavior continues despite everyone's best effort, you may want to have your son evaluated by a school social worker (if there is one at his school) or a professional that specializes in childhood sexual development.

Next, you will want to work closely with school administrators to try to avoid negative action on their part such as suspending or expelling your son. Schools have different policies regarding behaviors that they find to be acceptable and unacceptable. Start by finding out the specific policies that are in place at your son's school. You may find that the school has strict policies about inappropriate sexual behavior that do ultimately call for expulsion. Or, you may find that the school's policies do not address sexuality issues, and that teachers and administrators have a great deal of discretion.

Hopefully, by working together you can find a solution that works for both the school and your family.